Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
