So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
