Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
