I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
