also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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