you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
