My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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