Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
