Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
