yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this boner is exhausting
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
