She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
