This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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