Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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