Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Panties = found
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
