A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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