As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
