He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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