shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
