Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
