My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
