it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still have a little drunk in my system
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
