Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
