i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
