I have demons in me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
