you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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