Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
