The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
