i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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