We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
