I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
