I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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