the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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