Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
As shirtless as possible
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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