Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize