Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
