This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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