im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
