Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
