I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
