i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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