Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
did you just send me my own nude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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