I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize