Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
