My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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