So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
