If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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