lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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