he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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