im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
