I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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