uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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