my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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