the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came so hard my ears popped.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
