So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
