booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
