he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
