A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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