dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize