Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
