Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
