so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
