so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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