the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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