capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize