ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
