Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
