Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
