yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
