i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
