Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
