If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
