I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
