Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
