just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
