my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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