Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
