I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
