We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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