Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
