Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
