I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Operation Purity has been aborted
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
