i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
