Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
